Post by Hagart on Sept 9, 2015 23:36:00 GMT -5
The Beginning
I slept on my back, wearing ear protectors to block sound and a strategically placed pillow on my head to block light. I don’t remember when I lost consciousness, and I wasn’t aware of sleep paralysis, but I suddenly realized I was seeing images of a room, and I was lucid right away. I’m guessing before that was about 10-15 minutes of forgotten hypnagogia. I simply waited for the yellowish, light and dark, images to become clear and gain a sense of my surroundings because it was only like a 2D image and vague at first. I think it even disappeared for a moment and I remained calm, relaxed, and watched it form up again. I saw what looked like a wall, and I reached out to touch it. I could feel it, but the dream still hadn’t fully formed a place yet. I then noticed that I wasn’t looking at a wall anymore, but looking down on a light-brown, wooden table like one my computer is on in real life. I then made a walking motion with my legs, and it worked. I was moving and what I saw changed accordingly, but it was still two dimensional. I started grabbing things to gain a sense of place, develop tactile senses, and finally, I was in a 3D dream and walking around, fully lucid.
I was near the computer, (not the same layout as reality), and I had just finished telling others on Skype that I was going to attempt to lucid dream, so I clicked on the mouse to make Skype appear on the screen. I just clicked once with the intent it would work and it did. There’s no need to navigate Windows or sign in when you’re in a dream. I wanted to see what message was left behind after I left so I could possibly verify it in reality, however, all I saw were 20-30 messages scrolling up the screen very quickly, so I knew it couldn’t be real. For fun though, I typed, “I did it”, but it looked more like, “h ie5”, on the screen. I didn’t bother questioning it. I know how lucid dreams can be and text is often scrambled, so I got up and began exploring whatever environment my mind had made.
Self-Reflection
It was like no house I’ve been in before, and it was devoid of people. I called out loud, “Is anybody here?” I also felt it was a good way to stabilize the dream, using my real voice as if fully awake, and interacting with everything as much as possible. Down a hall to my right, I saw a person walk past. (I won’t lie. I was hoping it would be an attractive woman, and was disappointed it wasn’t). Even from a distance, with such a short glimpse, I knew it was Andrew, my brother. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten deep, talking with a dream character, and this was quite vivid, so I knew he’d be talkative. The house is a little like one I use to live in with the corridor that led past my old room (where Andrew had just come from), but the other room, opposite it, doesn’t exist in real life. I didn’t think about it at the time, only after I recall it. To me, at the time, the house was like none I had ever been in before. I entered the room where Andrew was, and there was a bed there and a large mirror, like the full-body, closet mirror in my room now. I asked him, “What’s on your mind?” (An open ended question to allow a ‘Dream Character’ to speak freely and perhaps reveal something). I also knew we had a telepathic understanding and it didn’t matter what words I used, because after all, we’re sharing the same mind right? I forget what he answered, but then I saw him staring at himself in the large mirror.
A vivid dream character and a mirror?! That’s rare! I’ve got to try something!
I walked closer and saw both his reflection and mine in the mirror. I didn’t notice at the time, but we were our younger, teenage selves. I asked him, “Do you see me?” He said, “Yes”. (Like the time I asked if Grandma could see me in the mirror back in Nov. 2013, in a previous lucid dream, and she said, “No”). I then thought it would be really trippy to get in close and stare into his eyes in the reflection, and then back to my own, wondering, ‘who’s inside?’ ("The eyes are a window to the soul", right?). I’ve tried looking at mine in the past under the influence of psychedelics, but it scared me. This time, I’m not scared, and want to do something crazy. I stared into his eyes in the reflection and back to mine. Our pupils were huge and black, devoid of anything. (I saw my dead fathers eyes in real life and that's another story). There was no twinkle or ‘spark of life’ in either of them. Before bed I was thinking about how everything in a dream is all a construct of my mind. The tables and chairs and walls, and trees and sky are all my mind, but not ‘me’ in the self-identity sense. If I am ‘me’ in the dream, who is inhabiting my brother? I was trying to wrap my mind around how there can be two of us if we are one in the same. I asked something like, ‘if we are here, who is making this place?’ (There has to be another person in my mind making all this and it’s not me!)
I then asked, “Who is it?”
He said, “I can’t tell you that.”
“Why not?” I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t ready to know yet. I then said, “That means there is somebody else then isn’t there?” (With his own words he’s admitting there is, but won’t say who). I then remembered that he’s not even my brother at all, of course, so I asked, “Who are you?” I grabbed his shoulders, as if threatening to choke him. He was very deceptive which I won’t stand for. He won’t tell me who’s creating the environment and objects in the dream, and now I’ve just realized, he himself, was created too somehow, and knows it, but is holding back a big secret.
He morphed into a blue-skinned, alien, humanoid and for some reason, called me by a different name. He said something like, “Calm down, Randy.”
I gave up trying to think rationally in a dream, and knew he was just my inner voice. It never needs a form, so I told him, “Let’s walk and talk.” I left the room and down the hall, ignoring any dream character that was left behind because there was none. It was all an illusion. I could hear the voice speaking to me directly in the dream. It became sinister and spooky and I forget what it was saying. I reached the bottom of the steps like in my old house, and felt a strong presence behind the wall there. I saw it bending and shifting as if a huge face was stretching it from the other side as it pressed its face against the soft wall. That’s where the voice is coming from now, and it felt like being in a haunted house. I placed my hand on the wall, and allowed it to sink in just to show I wasn’t afraid. Then I thought of Calm (from Skype) and how he had regrets about not facing a fear in his dream the other day. (Man-eating plants). So I thought, I should stick my whole head in there and face it. (Pun not intended). I didn’t have enough courage, so I compromised. I used my hand to rip open a hole in it. I saw flashes of rotating blue and white light like alternating lines on a rotating circle that emitted light. It was quite hypnotic, but since it didn’t look menacing, I poked my head in to interact with it.
I forget if I said it, or if it read my mind, so it didn’t have to be said, but I was thinking in the back of my mind, “Do I exist?” (Like what is my self-identity and is it just an illusion? Who am I? Is there another awareness, or consciousness within my own mind that I am not aware of? Is the sense ego sense of self-identity an illusion? Do I exist? Who is the “I” in that sentence?) It said, “Do you think sports exist?”, in the usual monotone voice my inner subconscious voice always speaks in, but it was male this time, when usually my inner voice is female. I hate sports, and saw the vague image of football players on the walls of this box I was poking my head in, as the entity was speaking to me from the back where the rotating blue and white light was similar to hypnosis. It asked me if sports exist, so I replied, “Yes”. Then it responded, “But you would never volunteer to play.” I think it then said something like, 'don’t let your times playing defense bring you down. It doesn’t define you'. I played defense mostly in soccer and was my first sport I played when I was five. The message was implied, and I knew exactly what it meant. It had to do with self-confidence. I always feared the ball because I would then become the center of attention, and fear being blamed for losing the game. Without ever attempting to get the ball, however, I can never score. It had many other words of wisdom that I wish I could remember, and it was so poetic and I just intuitively knew everything it was saying. I asked, “What should I do with my life,” but I forget what it said. When I pulled my head out and left, I could hear it talking as I stepped up the stairs. The voice said something like, ‘treat those in the tree around you’. Meaning, the most important people in my life are my circle of friends around me in my ‘friend tree’, like a family tree but for friends, and they deserve treats in the form of praise. It was a clever play on words, and they need to be “treated” well.
Denied Again
Upstairs, I immediately went to the door leading to the back porch, and just before turning the knob I saw a name I know hovering above it like a HUD (Heads Up Display) and a time of day below the knob like on Skype. I stepped outside and it was vibrant and sunny. It was reminiscent of the back yard of the same house. I noticed a soldier in a green, camaflouge uniform with a hat walking in from the right side of the house. I instinctively knew it was female. I looked down at my feet as I descended the steps, so not to lose my footing, and said out loud, “Hey girl!” I look up again and noticed, the hat was gone and I saw shoulder-length, blond hair. She was beside some bleachers kind of like the wooden steps I just walked down. I went over and noticed there were a group of four girls standing there, and none were wearing a uniform. They looked like college girls and I said something lewd I won’t repeat for those reading this. They didn’t respond and to my disappointment, sitting before each of them was a guy they were talking to. I walked past them and was going to leave, wondering to myself, “It’s only a dream, and yet, I’m still feeling anxiety talking to them and think those guys are better than me”. Facing my fear, I turned back to confront them.
I asked them all, “Does anybody else here have trouble talking to girls?” I think one person may have raised their hand, but I don’t remember much else of a response. I saw one guy and a girl standing and talking very close to each other. I could tell they must be boyfriend and girlfriend, so I said out loud, “They certainly don’t.” I then noticed two girls sitting on wooden lawn furniture with an attached wooden table between them. The one on the left wasn’t that pretty, but the one on the right seemed ok, and was sitting with her knees tucked up near her chin and I admired her legs. I asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” She said, “No, I have a _____” I forget the word, but it was some sort of job and was like saying, “No, I have a life instead”. (More important things to do.) I said, “Maybe you need a man in your life.” I grabbed her waste and pulled her close, and she was morphed and elongated and turned into a small bird. (I saw a dead bird the day before on the ground after striking a window in real life). I gave up, tossed it, and turned away, looking around again so I don’t lose focus on a hopeless endeavor.
Alien Attack
The back yard was full of odd dream characters, and I could hear music playing as though it were a party, or perhaps a circus or festival feeling. The characters seemed to have strange costumes and I think one was like a penguin, and it all reminded me of Alice in Wonderland. It was beginning to become pure insanity, so I called out, “Everybody stop!” Just then, I noticed an alien space craft approaching from the left side of the backyard in the sky. It was night now. It was not a smooth saucer, but a clunky rectangular shape. It fired laser shots, from two front barrels, sounding exactly like the gunfire sounds in GI-Joe. It was quite loud. Standing my ground, not showing fear, I raised my hand in the air to destroy it as if I was using ‘The Force’. It didn’t work; it kept coming closer. I wanted it to blow up, but if it disappeared or disintegrated, that would be fine too. The shots were hitting the fence now and it won’t be long before it reaches me and the others. I was feeling a need to protect everyone at ‘the party’ because they were like citizens in my own dream-world. I was their leader, and it was my duty to save them. Right in the nick of time, the craft suddenly broke apart into 4 even cubes, clean-cut, and fell to the ground beyond the fence. I saw another spacecraft approaching and firing, but even as I was looking at it, it suddenly vanished and the Millennium Falcon took its place and flew away upward and vanished. Fun with Space Lego
I looked straight up above me and I could see a few stars in the sky. I had the sudden urge to try and fly up into outer space because I’ve never done that in a lucid dream before. I didn’t think it would work, but it was worth a try. I jumped up high, and kept my eyes focused on a group of stars I wanted to go to. I was expecting to fall back down to Earth, but to my surprise, I kept going and going, and was actually being drawn to it. I learned this technique in the past through trial and error. Keep looking to where you want to go and don’t look down, or else you will expect ‘gravity’ to pull you back. I saw a small, grey square in the distance with a circle on it and dotted lines like a helicopter landing pad. I felt like I wasn’t going up anymore, but instead, I had broken Earth’s gravity and was now falling to a mysterious space station. When I landed, I was suddenly in a dark space with no walls and simply 3 Space Lego landing pad pieces attached together before me at about the height of my chest. It was just me, my two hands and those Lego pads to build on with a few pieces of Lego on it. I remember one was a 1x2 blue block. I used my hand to will some more to appear and it worked. By that, I mean I placed my hand over it, and removed it, and ‘presto-chango’, pieces appeared out of nowhere. Now I had some vivid Lego pieces I could touch and play with. I grabbed some, but I couldn’t feel them. I noticed, I was wearing some leather work gloves, so I took them off, but underneath I had another pair. I removed those and again, I had another pair! I saw the other gloves I had removed piling up. I forget if the final time I was successful, or if I simply gave up thinking about it, but my hands were back to being bare again shortly after. I wanted to make something out of the Lego, but I knew it would take too long, so I simply hovered my palms over the pad and willed something to form under it and it worked. I now had a small Lego base fully formed. It was just a small box-shaped building (12X10 estimate) with four walls, and comprised of various colored pieces, red, white, yellow, blue, and black. The roof had some yellow clear pieces on hinges you can open. I pinched the small handle on one and lifted it and it felt as real as Lego in real life! I made it out of thin air and it actually had moving, working parts! I bet I could have even taken some pieces off it, reattached them to other Lego pieces, and built something with it. The dream was extremely stable. I examined it closer and looked through the small, yellow, plastic window and I saw a glimmer of light shining through it, tinted yellow. I couldn’t believe how realistic it was. The way the light streamed through and cast elongated lines of light was perfect. No CGI or Virtual Reality Machine can match the calculating power of what I saw coming from my own mind.
Then I noticed a metal shelf to my right, and I was floating towards it. It’s one I know of in my garage in real life. I then looked around, and realized, I was floating around in a dark space, but there was also the Toyota there too. I felt about 5 feet off the ground, (head height), and floated around like a ‘floating-consciousness’. I drifted without control, bounced off the shelf, not feeling anything, and then I passed over the roof of the car. As I passed over, I could see down through the sunroof, and for some reason I was expecting someone hideous to jump in to view from within the car and scare me, but nothing happened. The dream began to fade, and I was regretful that I didn’t stick to playing with the Lego more, but it was a pretty long dream so I was fine with it ending.
The Dream’s Over… or Is It?
I kept my eyes closed to recall the dream, and then remembered that I often get false awakenings after a lucid dream, so I opened my eyes and got up to look around. The layout of the house was odd, and yet I couldn’t quite remember what it was supposed to be in real life. I walked out of my room and even commented to myself that I never get up so quickly from a dream, so this is most likely a false awakening. I saw two guitars at the top of a straight staircase leading down. (My real house has a curved one). One guitar was my white electric one and the other was an acoustic or perhaps the classic guitar. To reality check, I made a motion with my hand as if plucking a string from a distance and it worked. I could hear it, so now I was sure I was still lucid dreaming. I then plucked the string on the other guitar and it had a higher pitch. I did the same again to the first, and it was lower. I walked down the stairs and continued to play the strings in my mind and even started playing a simple song with about three or four notes. Energy Balls
I was in a room like none I’ve even been in and for the rest of the dream the house was unfamiliar. Since the dream was so vivid, I decided to see if I can make an energy ball, like Goku, in Dragon Ball Z, in my hand, and shoot at something to see what happens. I’ve had varying success in the past. I cupped my hands together, and my hands were very realistic, but nothing happened. Then I saw out the window, into another window of a house about a hundred feet away. The silhouette of a person was standing at the window with a blue light between his cupped hands. In my peripheral vision, I noticed below, that my hands now had a blue glowing orb forming up as well. I got the feeling the person I was seeing was me, but like an opposite me. Not an evil twin, but my confidence personified in another form. We both intuitively knew what to do. We both fired our shots at each other at the same time. I saw his blue energy-ball approach me and I caught it. It was about the size of a baseball, had weight, and I could even feel the slight sting of catching a baseball barehanded. As for my ball, I think I saw him hold up his hand and then simply pinch his thumb and index finger together and snuffed it out of existence before it could even reach him. (Like Kids in the Hall, “I’m crushing your head”, sketches). Then he shot another blast back at me. I was going to try to snuff it out like he did, but as it approached, it grew bigger, and I noticed it had the faint image of continents on it as if it was a representation of planet Earth. I thought, ‘This is going to be huge!’, but I controlled my fear and realized it’s just an illusion. It stopped coming closer, so I turned away. I left to go do something else in the dream before I inevitably became transfixed with it which is common in lucid dreams. If that happens, I lose my lucidity. Growing a Plant Out of My Palm
I thought of what my lucid dream goals were and remembered what I was planning to do before sleeping. I was planning to grow another vine out of my palm and eat it, like I had done in the past, a few years ago. I opened my right hand, palm up, and was expecting the plant to grow from the same spot it did before. (Upper right corner where two palm lines meet). Nothing happened, so I poked my nail in that spot with my left finger to stimulate a feeling there. It worked! I saw something grow out of it. It was a different spot than the first time however, and perhaps it’s because I poked in a different spot, but I could still feel where it protruded a few hours after the dream. It was at the base of my right index finger on that pad opposite the knuckle. Instead of a thin plant like before, this one was very thick like green asparagus. It rose up a few inches and stopped. I wanted it to grow bigger and it didn’t work, so I used my left hand to pull it out further, and that helped it along. Now it was growing again on its own. It sure felt strange pulling something out of my hand and watching it grow, feeling it tug on the skin of my palm so realistically. It grew fuller and sprouted purple and green leaves and had red and yellow flowers on top. The bushel was so big, it bent over due to its own weight, and drooped towards the ground off the left side of my right palm. It was about three feet long. I then plucked one of the purple leaves off with my left hand and ate it. It tasted like lettuce and even had a burst of water in it the way a thick, crisp piece of iceberg lettuce would have. I wanted to make it grow even bigger and become a vine and climb the walls around me. I looked up to a second level where my mother was standing and noticed many vines had already formed all around the walls. I willed my plant to grow and it too became like a vine and spread out, unfurling leaves, creeping up the walls, twisting around the banisters, engulfing the house, and then even enveloped my entire mother! I noticed, the vines were not coming out of my palm anymore. Each fingertip, right under the nails, had a thin green vine protruding from them. I then pull my hand away to snap it free. I truly felt the tension and snap as if I were breaking solid vines from my fingers. Suddenly, I noticed a woman standing right in front of me, covered in vines, but it was not my mother. I felt like it was a Wood Nymph or something and reminds me of a picture I saw on a Magic Card once. I was surprised, and I didn’t want her there, so as an automatic reaction, I raised my palm up and froze her solid. Then I pushed her over and she broke into pieces on the ground the way real ice would. Imagine tipping over a life-size ice sculpture of a person. It broke into about five, large, main chunks and a few smaller pieces shattered around it, and made a crashing, 'thud'-sound the way heavy ice would.
Attack of the Catfish-eels
I picked up one of the large chunks, and it actually had real weight to it. It felt like it was a few pounds. It felt so realistic to hold it, although I don’t remember it feeling cold or wet. I then saw some aquariums, only a half a foot deep, but very tall and wide. There were about three aquariums in the corner of the room, two on one wall and one on the other, but they seemed to be connected. On the wall to my right were several windows that cast a frosty white glow, translucent, with no visible detail beyond them. I saw a large fish with teeth that reminds me of the catfish I saw on Amazing Race: Canada yesterday. On that show, two guys were afraid of their teeth and said they looked like eels, but I wasn’t scared. I decided to smash the ice against the glass and break them free. I held the ice up over my head with two hands and smashed it down on top of the aquarium closest to me. It broke the glass, but it didn’t go all the way through, so it plugged the hole it had just made. I needed to try again and hit the base of the aquarium instead, so that all the water and the fish would pour out. Instead of going back to the ice and picking one up, since I was lucid, I simply willed one to come to my hand. I couldn’t catch it though and it flew past my side. I looked back and saw it in a white, plastic, bucket under the aquarium. I willed it to my hand again, and caught it. This time, I threw it at the base of the aquarium. It smashed the glass and I saw water streaming out. For some reason, I just knew that the fish would come after me and would be very fast, so I fled. Not in fear, but like playing an exciting, childish game. Just then, my brother, David was behind me and followed me. I rounded a corner and past an open door, and I turned back to close it. I saw the three eel-like catfish slithering around the corner about to get us just as I closed the white door in the nick of time. I wondered if they would scratch and bite at it and break through, but I didn’t hear any noise from the other side. Thinking of fear again, and that there’s no need to run away because I’ll regret it, I decided to open the door and let them attack.
As soon as I opened it, they lunged at me! Two bit me on either hand and held on. It didn’t hurt. I just felt the mild sensation of small teeth, and their tongues were wiggling. It was kind of cute and it reminded me of how puppies like to gnaw on my hand as if it’s a chew toy when they’re teething. (But less painful). I noticed the third one was by itself on the floor, and I felt a little sorry for it because it couldn’t join the fun. Then I turned away and walked down the hall with these two large catfish still clamped down on either hand. It must have looked ridiculous!
Is The Dream Ending Again? Not if I can help it!
I entered a room to my left, and the dream began to fade again. I didn’t want to wake up, so I remained still and kept my focus on the dream, not thinking of waking life at all, just imagining the dream was my reality instead. I saw a few images become clearer. Then it was like standing by a window and looking out into a very strange looking town with many odd houses with small square yards in a grid. I noticed in one square there was a giant, metal bucket, like a tacky tourist attraction. Then I was back in a dream again and able to walk. Moulding Plastic
I was in a small sun room with large windows and saw a white, plastic lawn chair. I spontaneously decided to try and melt it with a heatwave from my palms. I held them up to it, and at first it didn’t work, but then I saw the chair bend a little as if it was becoming pliable from the heat. I then reached out and picked it up. Because it was a few feet away, it remained the same size and was now in my hands, the same size it appeared in the distance a moment ago. I smooshed it together, smaller and smaller and formed it into a tight cube, the size of a rolling die, like crushing a car. It couldn’t get any smaller though and sprung back to a slightly larger cube. Now it appeared to be like a matrix of white bars connected by spherical nodes. I then pulled it apart and it unraveled into a long loop of those same cross piece bars attached by hinges at the nodes. I examined it closer and some hinges were left-right, and some were up-down. I didn’t see why some had to be up-down and they could all be left-right. It felt like I had a brand new invention of a toy in my hands that could be used to make interesting shapes. (Kind of like that snake toy). The Real Awakening
Then the dream began to fade again, I was in darkness, and this time, I felt an itch on my nose. I blinked to reality check, and saw my ceiling fan, so I was confident I was awake now. I scratched my itch and recalled the dream, unmoving while my eyes were closed before jotting down notes on paper.